Pole-dancing

The link with the title may be a little tenuous - well as often is the case, but I'm back from the Nature Park for an hour so I don't have time for too much creativity.

I don't think this is a spoiler. I had been starting to get a little concerned about the premiss for the medical drama 'House'. How the hell can so many rare diseases fall at the feet of one doctor? Then after last night's episode - note how I carefully avoided telling you what made me think this - I thought, well, I guess what they are doing is portraying him simply as an expert diagnostician, I mean for pity's sake, how many times have any of us been to the doctor, or even hospital and been given a diagnosis that any of us could have come up with from reading a copy of Family Circle ? Or worse, invented during a pub crawl. A quick aside, pub crawls are way easier in Britain since you actually can crawl from one pub to the next. Whatever. The programme would be nothing at all without Hugh Laurie. Last night he was jonesing to get back and watch an L-Word marathon. I love it when my imaginary friends like my other imaginary friends.

Simmi sent me a wonderful joke about poor old John Prescott. I have to share. I need to point out that MFI are a company that make cheap self-assembly furniture.
"What do John Prescott and an MFI flatpack got in common?.............
A few screws in the wrong place and the whole fucking cabinet falls apart"
Nice :))

Anyway, so apart from House watching the L-Word, why the pole-dancing? Well, yesterday, as I usually do, I was watching the German news and the second item was about how Cologne's prostitutes are preparing for the World Cup. Bless them. They were brushing up their pole dancing skills. To be honest, they looked like old pros at it. (Pun intended). They're much better than the girls in Tony Soprano's bar, although the ones they showed did seem to look like horses, or men dressed as women, or in one case a spanked bum. No matter, they were all game gals. They were expecting an influx of South Americans, don't know whether that had any significance. Then the camera showed us the brothel in which these fair maidens worked. It looked like a regular hotel with a slightly eastern theme and the website address in huge letters across the front. Well, I'm sorry, but I could not stop myself from seeing what type of website a German brothel had, and it didn't fail to please. Yes, you need your sound on, because as it loads you get one of those cheesy German songs generally sung by jolly chaps in Lederhosen. My German really isn't up to some of this, but I think it is quite out there in offering you a tool to find your dream whore. Honestly, I don't know the word 'Hure' but it obviously means something along those lines since you get to choose eye-colour, hair, nationality etc. I have also never heard the word 'Laufhaus', this is Europe's biggest one apparently. In my German it means 'Runhouse.' Oh well, I think you get the gist and hopefully the jest. Those Germans, gotta love 'em. And then they'll charge you, but at least they take Amex.

To end on a more salubrious note, I was accosted by a pop-up window when looking at WebMD or some such the other day. I had to cut and paste this. Yes, I know it's self-serving, but hell, sometimes you just gotta take what you can get.

"Andy Rooney says, "As I grow in age, I value older women most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 50 give a damn what you might think about her.

An older, single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment." The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover!

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Most older women cook well.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone. Her experience of lovemaking is honed and reciprocal and she's lived long enough to know how to please a man in ways her daughter could never dream of. (Young men, you have something to look forward to.)

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 70 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year old waitress.

Ladies, I apologize for all of us. That men are genetically inferior is no
secret. Count your blessings that we die off at a far younger age, leaving you the best part of your lives to appreciate the exquisite woman you've
become, without the distraction of some demanding old man clinging and whining his way into your serenity."

AMEN"

God bless you Andy Rooney whoever the hell you are.Mwaah.