Lilith

Now, this may turn out to be a weird one, because I can already see the whole thing dipping and bobbing away like a balloon taken by the wind, its string trailing beneath it, available for anyone who can fly to catch hold of.

So, Lilith Fair was a women's music festival that started in Vancouver in 1996. Our very own Sarah McLachlan was one of the leading lights. Anyway, that's not the Lilith I was thinking of, however fascinating.

Nor was I thinking of Frasier's ex-wife Lilith, the laced-up tight enough to squeak shrink we learned to love and hate, nope, not even her.

And also not the Greek Lilith, Goddess of the dark moon, although she is pretty fascinating you have to admit, the very idea of the dark moon can make me shiver. Is she calling us like a siren from the dark side, inviting us to join her in her madness? Mmmm....I wondered what that was.

So is it the mythical first wife of Adam? Created as his equal, what happened to her that Eve should come along and steal the show? The women are so often the more interesting ones in stories, Lilith, a whisper, a shadow, did Adam ever think of her when he was sinning? I BET he did.

Or the other Lilith of legend, the Mesopotamian earth and fertility Goddess who protects crops, both those of the Earth and those of woman. Fecund mother, ripe like the full moon.

No, the Lilith I was thinking about was the one of Jewish myth, the succubus who seduces men in their sleep and drains their life away with her kiss, who steals Jewish chidren and eats them. The dark temptress that none can resist, the excuse for temptation yielded to. The one who stalks a woman's fear and a man's fantasy.

But it's not what you're thinking.

Last night, through no fault of my own, sleep evaded me and I lay awake listening to the sounds. Eventually I must have drifted and then got stuck between the two worlds. I was standing on the bank of a river and I felt overwhelmed with a sense of unknown fear. I could hear the strange sound of a child whining like a cat. I could feel, actually feel the darkness around me and yet I knew my forehead was itching. I needed to scratch it because I was neither fully awake nor fully asleep. I was in sleep paralysis. This is the time when scientists think we experience strange phenomena like alien abduction and visitations by Succubi. I remembered that. My arms wouldn't move. I knew I was in bed but I could do nothing. And then I did, I willed myself awake and my forehead really did itch, and outside there was a noise, but not the one I thought I'd heard.

Who knows what inhabits the darkness, the sliver between the worlds. I visited it last night, but it's not a place I'm anxious to fall into again.