Rockstar

My least favourite category of TV programmes is Reality TV. I think if we got to the point where all TV was 'reality' I wouldn't bother with it at all.

But I would be lying. Last summer, Kevin and I watched what I guess would be a reality show, 'Rockstar'. I don't think that it is shown in Britain for some reason, which is bizarre, since I think of Britain as the home of rock.
Last year's premiss was that the Aussie group INXS was finally ready to replace Michael Hutchence and get back on the road. The good thing about this programme is that it attracts singers - or 'rockers' as the show calls them - who are already established, so the standard is very high. The down side of the programme is the annoying host who talks. I can't stand this time wasting. Does she talk about anything of any interest to anyone? Nope, not for one second, she simply repeats several times over what is about to happen. We the viewers are Kindergarten children, no, goldfish, unable to retain information for longer than six seconds.

I used to get annoyed at meetings because of the time-wasting aspect. The only place that grown-ups need to follow on a piece of paper what another grown-up is reading out loud is Church.
Likewise I understand that people only take in a quarter of the information they are given, thus a good teacher will repeat the same information in a different form four times during the course of a lecture. I don't think this applies to short statements such as 'one of our rockers will leave this evening' repeated in EXACTLY the same words.

This year, Rockstar is being reprised. The difference now is that the 'supergroup' who are selecting a front person didn't exist before. 'Supernova' is composed of three members of other bands, bass player from Metallica plus Tommy Lee and some other bloke.
INXS spoke with one voice, they knew who they were, what they needed. They ended up with JD Fortune, a Canadian. A bloke.

Supernova have no idea who they are. They are already being sued by another group called Supernova. They have to cope with Tommy Lee's ego.
I find that we have some artistic differences, 'we' meaning they and myself.

Last week, they sent someone packing because he chose to sing Duran Duran's 'This is Planet Earth'. Now, I know it's pretty much acceptable these days to think Duran Duran are naff, but I personally think this song is way better than some of the old dross they get given to sing. And this guy made it into a rock song. He did a fantastic job, brilliant rendition and voice but no, the curse of Simon le Bon meant he had to go. Well, ok lads, but you overlooked some far worse crimes.

On Tuesday they had a right old strop at one of the women, Jill, who has an amazing voice but is simply trying too hard and dressed up like Courtenay Love on one of her album covers to do a song from the same album. Well, she deserved that.
The guy they sent home last night was not bad at all, whilst overlooking a complete lame-arse girl from Puerta Rica who murdered a Kinks number - twice!

And this week saw two more deadly sins. One performer made a complete pig's ear of Creed's 'With Arms Wide Open'. The lead singer in Creed has the most incredible, deep, rich voice, but then so do some of the 'rockers' - there was just no need for this, it was gratuitous.

But the worst, the very worst, the crime that should have seen Vancouver's own Jenny something shipped over to England and sent to the Tower was her horrible, awful, pathetically incompetent treatment of Soft Cell's 'Tainted Love'. This is not a song that can be tampered with. There is only one Marc Almond. People need to fully comprehend that and not mess with his work.

And of course, as with every viewer of every reality show, I have picked my favourite. Dilana. She has unbelievable and yet unpretentious stage presence. She is theatrical without being self-conscious and her voice is simply incomparable, it's like purple smoke with silver edges.
Not only that, but she is able to arrange songs in a unique way. Her song for this week was 'Ring of Fire'. Think you shouldn't mess with that? Oh yes you should if you are as good as Dilana. Dilana made it more interesting than ever before. She is a binder of spells. You know what, this is how much faith I have in her, I would allow her to sing 'Tainted Love' and trust her to do it in a way that would honour the great Marc.

Of course she won't win. She's a she.

Last year it was blindingly obvious that every woman was on a hiding to nothing. Oh they paid lip service, but right from the get go we said, 'they'll never front their band with a woman.'
This time, the potential is there for 'Supernova' because they have no concept of who they are, to front their band with Dilana, and I'll take my non-existant hat off to them if they do, but I'm not holding my breath.