A Day in the Life of....

Due to the persistence of some anonymous commentator, and in the style of a column from the Guardian, today I give you 'A Day in the Life of an Unknown English Student at one of the World's Top Universities'.

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Woke up at 10 and realised my lecture started half an hour ago. It was going to take me at least an hour to take a quick shower, so I went back to bed to think up a plan of action. Woke up again at midday and realised that my second lecture was just finishing, so I took a very quick shower and left the house just two hours later.

Got to the tube station and suddenly remembered that it was Thursday not Wednesday and I don't in fact have any lectures, also, the pubs were already open. Got to the pub, but remembered that I was off drinking as I'm down to my last gazillion brain cells but I hung around in case any Aussies showed up.

Went back to the flat and knocked out a six thousand word essay entitled 'Angst and Ennui in the works of Edgar Allan Poe'. Oh man does that bloke have issues.
Went into uni to hand it in, but outside the tube station some old tosser asked me if I was Polish. I said what? What the freak does that mean? He said, yeah, well you look Polish and I was like, you what? How can someone look Polish? He didn't even look like he came from planet Earth. I gave him a look, it said,
'Consider yourself kneed in the bollocks mate,' I think he understood.

Realised I hadn't eaten all day, so I went to Sains and bought some healthy food, Green and Black's, way healthier option than Nestlés, I'm still boycotting them in any case over the whole baby food thing in 1923. Remembered to buy more toilet rolls, I must be the only one in the house that uses loo paper because sure as hell no-one else buys it. Strangely, I must be the only one who uses quite a lot of things, other stuff, like biscuits, I must eat in my sleep, because they disappear without me remembering having eaten them.
Oh well, must be the stress of uni I s'pose.

My mum, she whom I love best in the whole world, most saintly person ever to have walked the Earth, phoned me about midnight. She had to phone three times before I could hear her. O2 is really pissing me off, although, it turns out they're pissing a lot of people off.

Went to bed early around 3, have to get up and go to Pompey first thing. Hopefully, I'll be able to read three or four novels on the train.