Ties and Rainbows

I have this thing about ties. Why do men wear ties? I have this suspicion that it's about keeping it male, whatever it is. Women of course are free to wear ties if they wish, but then we're playing their game, and sometimes we wear ties to parody their game.

Yesterday evening, Kevin and I went out with some people from his work. Overwhelmingly men because that is still the nature of engineering, but only one guy wearing a tie. And he's a genuinely nice guy. I admire the rest of them, their job is research and development, they're at the computer, in the labs, they wear comfortable clothes, good for them. The guy with the tie however, has to come across the border from the States every day and he thinks he gets through more quickly because of the tie. I'm not sure whether he meant because they respect that he wears one, he must be a guy in charge, or that it's so rare that they recognise him.

I was reminded of this again watching the news on TV this morning. As you know, because I go on about it A LOT, I don't think there are enough women involved in politics. So there they were, guys on TV. The westerners with ties, from the East, not so many ties. In Moscow, some discussions going on with the Hamas party who still refuse to pacify the West by recognising Israel. All men.
Move further west in Europe and here is the little UN group, Britain, France and Germany trying to stop the Iranian nuclear materials situation from escalating, I saw a woman in there somewhere.
Pakistan, Zhorje Boosh arriving, mostly men, a couple of Pakistani women in traditional dress.
Now we're in the Philippines, where the President, Gloria something has just quelled an attempt to overturn the government.
In all these scenes on TV, the women always stand out. No, the women often stand out, I qualify that because Angela Merkel seems to dress like a man although she hasn't yet adopted a tie, that is her choice and I respect that. But in general the women add colour, a splash here, an accent there. And isn't that what it's like in politics at the moment? Men in black with a dash of something else. It's not like 'where's Wally?' because in those pictures you're looking for Wally in amongst a rainbow. But where's Jane?

I find this absence of women from politics so odd. A couple of weeks ago I read an article about the way things are changing for women in Saudi. Women have no rights there, they may not travel, be out in public, they have to be veiled, they can't hold jobs unless given permission by a male member of the family. It's absolutely disgraceful. But it's also an anathema. Last year, finally, a man was held to account for beating his wife almost to death, a thing which he is apparently entitled to do. It took the most enormous courage by the woman to stand up and challenge this. She was a very well-known (in Saudi) TV presenter.
More than 50% of university graduates in Saudi are women. So the reason things are changing is that, although men keep women as pets there, often very pampered pets because it's a very rich country, they are slowly realising that they have highly intelligent, well-educated pets whose knowledge and skills are not being used. In short, they are shooting themselves in the foot by not allowing women to take a full part in the economic life of the country.

But aren't we in the West doing just that? When I was looking at those scenes on TV, it was all about discussions. A lot of politics is talking. Now women love talking and this is often made fun of, like it is some kind of weakness.
Whilst I was away in the UK, Kevin had to go on a company team building day. They had to play team building games. It all sounded as though it were the kind of thing men like to do. If there were women there, no doubt they would have had to take part in the same activities.
The last INSET I took part in before leaving the UK was amazingly woman centred in my opinion. It was all about talking about things, little psychological quirks we have, for once, everyone joined in and seemed to enjoy it. This is the way women bond and at the same time, it's the way women solve problems.

Last night I received an e-mail questionnaire from my friend Ree. I love those things, I love filling them in and I love getting them back, it's a type of fine tuning, an ongoing conversation. I got my friend Simmi's responses back this morning and her favourite sarnie was smoked salmon and cream cheese. Yes! I thought, me too, that's not what I put on my replies, but actually I prefer that to whatever it was I did put. It's that fine tuning that I think women do so well, they listen to each other, they adjust according to what the other says, little adjustments that lead to accord.

Imagine a world without the nets that women create. Conversations are like neurons, no, they create neurons, they distribute information, they change it and hold it up for inspection. Communication doesn't just keep the information flowing but it holds society together. The nets are very complex, because we talk about everything from trivia to television to politics. Sometimes the trivia and the politics can be interlinked. This is a great strength that women bring to human society.

I'm certainly not claiming that men don't talk or have anything meaningful to say. Every week I have the example at the writers' group of men who are insightful and listen and communicate extremely well.
Similarly, last night, the conversation rarely stopped and it wasn't about engineering, sports or women.
But like the Saudis, unless we enable more women to take part in politics, to be involved in the conversations that change the world, we are hamstringing that process.
We need to be seeing more reds, oranges, yellows, pinks, blues and greens or whatever colours women choose to wear amongst the black suits and not because men have prettied up their ties.