Thursday, 16 September 2010


Another Septemberish day in paradise lost.

Cool in the morning, tending towards rain, decidedly hot in the afternoon. The shops however, are cumbersome beasts whose heating goes on at some set date or minimum temperature, and there it sits.

Canadian Tiresome, a store I needed to visit for two items, was so hot, I felt ill. Around me, other shoppers and staff looked decidedly flushed. No staff were visible and nor where the intended purchases. It became like a rat trap, and naturally, whilst fanning myself with a no-smoking sign, and generally being stroppy to no-one in particular, a not-very-much-English speaker came and asked me where he could find something.

My next stop was The Bay. From Tiresome to the Bay, there must be eight sets of traffic lights, but somehow,somewhere, the traffic light programmer for Richmond is either colour blind, or thinks the green wave system isn't as challenging as a red wave system. And she or he would be right.

This year, apparently, men are wearing neither bathrobes nor dressing gowns. The places where I would expect to find such items had yielded nought. The Bay had two rails and I found a suitable one, purchased it and attempted to leave the store. Red lights started flashing and a loud man's voice said something about their associate having obviously failed to remove the security tag. I returned to the desk. She did the magnetic magic again and assured me that it had been deactivated. Sadly, it seems, some customers just set off the system, and I would have to boldly go...and ignore it. Which, indeed, I had to do.

On the way back, an advert on the car radio informed me that, 'the one thing she always wears every day and all day, is her engagement ring.' What bollocks, I thought. The one thing most women probably wear all day, every day, is their knickers, and in probably more cases than would wear an engagement ring, a bra. But although I shouted at the radio, no-one was listening, so I had to settle for hexing the jewellers'.

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