Thursday, 17 March 2011


The great British tradition of having pint bottles of milk delivered to the doorstep before you get up every morning, has long been the subject of humour. If you were up early enough in the morning, you could see the little electric milk floats keeping Britain healthy and ensuring that there was at least always milk for the breakfast cereal and tea or coffee. I'm sure there was even a time when the vehicle was horse drawn.

Looking for a picture of a milk float, I found this article, by a Canadian.

I received an e-mail today that was a collection of notes that had been left out in the milk bottles, for this was indeed the way we used to communicate about our milk needs. They made me laugh and I can absolutely believe them to be real notes.

Dear milkman:

I've just had a baby, please leave another one.

Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk.

Cancel one pint after the day after today.

Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it.

Milkman, please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk.

Milkman, please could I have a loaf but not bread today.

Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole.

Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks.

Sorry about yesterday's note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round.

When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you to give me a hand to turn the mattress.

Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last night's Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea?

My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle?

Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me.

Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant.

Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it.

From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk.

My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight.

Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday.

When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. P.S. Don't leave any milk.

No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice.


karemay said...

Very Amusing:) We still have a milkman. It's a brilliant service as you can order, cancel and pay your bill online.

Schneewittchen said...

Oh my goodness. I hadn't seen any around, but I should have asked you! The updates to the service sound brilliant !

Sleepy said...

My Dad had a milk round for a few years. He used to get my brother and I to help him on Saturday's.
During his first 2 weeks there was a woman who had managed to run up a £95 bill.
When he went to collect she answered the door in the skimpiest of skimpy nighties and asked him, "How do you want it?"
Dad replied, 'Cash or Cheque'.
She looked at him and said, 'No.. How do you WANT it?'
Dad suddenly caught on and was out of there like he'd been bitten!
Me and the brother were crying with laughter in the float.
The next week he sent me to collect the money!!

Schneewittchen said...

Eesh, wow, I remember this happening in the Andy Capp cartoons, you kind of hope it doesn't happen in real life!