Friday, 27 November 2009


Bloody elves. I can't remember which Gospel had the bit about the elves, but really, did it say green satin anywhere? Or maybe everywhere? Like the elves.
I saw one in the mall who rolled like a sailor. The elves are like stealth harbingers of Christmas.
Then there was the one who looked like...well who looked like...the sensible, though not boring one of your circle of friends. You know, the one who you can have a laugh with, a joke, a drink, but when you do something stupid, you ring them up. The one who has no pretensions to elfishness and yet who suddenly finds themself completely sober, yet dressed as an elf, standing in the mall next to the rolling sailor. The one who is having a Kafkaesque moment.

Leaving the Mall through the Bay, another totally normal-looking person, a woman about my own age and carrying a plastic bag from the store, set off the alarms. Just that the alarms said loudly, in a man's voice,
'We're sorry, but we must have failed to take a security tag from one of your purchases. Please return to the cashier who will be able to assist you.' She too, looked stunned. I'm no Tim Roth ('s character in 'Lie to Me'), but I would say she was genuinely shocked.

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