A Spot of Bovva

So it turns out that Brad and Guy were having a tense convo the other day.

Guy - No mate, seriously it ain't happ'ning. The new film is going to be an East End Blockbuster, Dot Cotton v Doug and Dinsdale Piranha. Yep, yep, I know you done that Irish Pikey good, but we got an unwritten rule in the Cockney Film Industry, we don't use Yanks, not since Dick van Dyke in Mary Poppins.
I knoooow Brit actors are doing American films now Brad mate, but I am not a Yankee director and you ain't no roastbeef. Yeah, no, roastbeef, it's what the Froggies call us, well, awright, they made up a word, 'Rostbif' but tha's what they call us. No, dunno why I said that, playing for time I guess. But they always do the 'State-us, Projject, Pay-tent' thing. Yeah, see, you say 'Stattus, Proe-ject, Pattent', that's the prob, like that Canadian actor, whatissname, Oliver Platt in Casanova, fantastic English accent but then made one of those 'State-us, Projject' bloomers, no, don't remember what exact word it was, but it gives the game away. Nah, if you weren't born wivvin the sound of the Bow Bells, you're not in. Behave, I know I wasn't, but I ain't actin in it am I?
Mate, leave it, like I said, not happ'nin, bad enough that the Missus wants in, yeah, I know, but what can you do, I mean she's got me by the short and curlies. And Brad, mate you are not one for leaving the leading lady alone are ya? I mean Angie........ Whatdya mean? What's wrong with Madge? Behave, she's top totty Madge is, you should see the thigh muscles on 'er.....
What ? Come again Squire? Do wha' ??
MADGE, MADGE !!!!!! Tell me you didunt just buy an African baby. Oh my life.....