Monday, 4 August 2008

Up the Ladder

I wouldn't say I was scared of heights, I don't get that head-swimming thing or the panic that goes with claustrophobia. But when I'm up the ladder, even though I've seen all the fixtures clunk into place, I do have a kind of fear. It's like the fear when you're in the 'plane and you suddenly realise you simply don't get how it flies. So you have to kid yourself, put it to the back of your mind. After all, there is a floor and a ceiling, it's like being in a long thin room. Don't think that it's flying.

But up the ladder, you have to find a new comfort zone. And then you have to paint from it. To move, you have to grip the rungs with your feet like a monkey, and each movement is a small ballet. But it is scary because it's counter-intuitive, it feels like that latch shouldn't hold and you have to think about where each part of your body is, and it's hot, insanely hot. Sweat drips off you. Up the ladder is physically and mentally challenging.

But when you get down the ladder and it's all done, your walls transformed, then it was worth it. And now, instead of cream of mushroom, I have drifting snow.

Everyone in Richmond was painting their homes today. The paint counter in Home Depot was jumping. Oh yes dear reader, the only off-the-shelf colour here is white, anything else must be mixed and shaken.
Fortunately for them, I was there to advise.
One man was surprised to find that his paint didn't look the same colour as the chip, but I told him not to worry, it would when it was dry. I was able to shake my head with another lady when 'Princess Pink' arrived for a different customer. And of course to tut tut when an assistant seemed too clumsy.
And I offer this service free.


Karemay said...

Perhaps another career as an interior designer beckons.

Sleepy said...

I love ladders!
Must be a short-arsed lesbian thang!

Combine the interior design with child slapping advice and you are on a winner!

Schneewittchen said...

Yesss!!! I must practise my gay Scottish accent for the interior design and my Cruella Deville for the child-slapping.